Free to Serve

Every Family Does Family Worship

Wednesday night, I sat in on an Equipping Matters class that Doug Young is teaching at MVBC on the topic of Family Worship. This session was called, "Implementing Family Worship." It was practical, insightful, and challenging.

I walked away reminded that in order to have intentional, deliberate, and productive times of family worship, I need to prepare. It's amazing how much thought we give to so many details in our lives--where we are going to go on vacation, how we are going to budget our time at work, what the next project at our house is going to be--and how comparatively little attention we give preparing to lead our families (or even ourselves) in the basic disciplines of Bible study and prayer.

Family worship is more than a few minutes gathered in the living room for a Bible study. It's way of saying that Jesus Christ is the most important person in our lives, and we are going to be spending time in his Word, understanding it and applying it.

And here is the thing: every family does family worship. Every dad is leading their family to worship something. It may be sports, it may be work, it may be technology--but the kids in the home know what is most important to mommy and daddy--even if they can't articulate it.

So the question really isn't, "Are you doing family worship," the question is, "What are you leading your family to worship today?"

Guest-Centered or Family-Centered Hospitality?

My wife and I have been thinking about hospitality a lot lately. Is there a "biblical" way to do it? How much of how we do hospitality is affected by how we've seen it done? How much of the way we do hospitality is a reflection of our own personal makeup? And so on . . . 

One of the other more specific questions we've batted around has to do with our attitude toward guests. Should our hospitality be guest-centered or family-centered? Guest-centered hospitality says you stop what you are doing to make sure that your guest feels welcome, you do all you can to serve them, you treat them like visiting angels! A more family-centered approach says you let them come in and participate in what your family is doing. They are welcome to stay, or not stay, they are welcome to be a part of the "family" at least as long as you are in your home.

There are advantages to both approaches. There are times, I believe, for both approaches. 

But I was really pleased to be forwarded a link to this post by Thomas Brown. He notes that our approach to evangelism is hugely dictated by our culture. If I'm understanding him rightly, he'd say that most Westerners lean towards what I'm calling a family-centered approach while most Easterners (Middle East) would lean toward being guest-centered.

You can read his post here. 

I'd love your thoughts!

New Perspective

I just read Robin Spangler's review of Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley, and I want to commend it to you. It is a shocking look at the false bill of goods our culture has bought when it comes to the roles of men and women. These views have changed everything from how teenage girls dress to how couples use their home.

I love this question from Robin's review, "Is your home a community and a place of ministry and outreach or your museum of materialism and consumerism?" Our culture teaches us to view the home as a place to isolate ourselves from the world. The Bible teaches us to view the home as a place where men and women can reach the world for Christ.

Good stuff. Read it here.

Parenting Conference

Last weekend, Deepak Reju was here to lead us in a four-session parenting conference. He went through the gospel and parenting, getting to the heart of our kids' behavior, communication, and discipline. I appreciated a couple things, especially. First, the reminder that there is no manual for parenting except the Bible. We have been given tons of principles about godliness and some select commands about parenting and are called to put them all together, on a daily basis, as we raise our kids. Second, since this is true, it is hugely important to know your children. How do they struggle? Why do they struggle this way? What are their likes/dislikes? Deepak repeated again and again how vital it is to study your kids so you can best minister to them. 

Parenting is not easy. There is nothing more humbling than seeing your weaknesses repeated in the next generation. But there is hope as well, because God has not abandoned us to parent in isolation. He's given us a church for encouragement and instruction. Pray that as the years go by, we as a church do a better job of standing alongside parents, reminding them of the awesome and wonderful responsibility we have been given, and encouraging each other in the task at hand.

My Prayers for Parenting Conference

Even as I am getting ready for my sermon on Sunday morning, my heart and mind are focused on the upcoming parenting conference. Here are my prayers:

1. Adoration to God who has given His Word so we know what to do with our kids. The Lord is good. He has not left us without guidance. There is enough in Scripture to instruct us how to shepherd our kids. Moreover, there is parenting wisdom in the Gospel message itself. This is amazing. Praise God that He has lavished us with knowledge and wisdom and given us hearts that want to obey Him.

2. Confession of my own failures as a parent. There are many. As I prepare my own heart to come to this conference, I confess my own sins. Some are sins of commission (impatience/distraction) many sins of omission (erratic family worship, less-than-stellar quality time with kids). There are more!

3. Thanksgiving that we can have this conference. I'm thankful to God that there is such an interest in Gospel-centered parenting, that so many people desire to know what the Bible has to say about how to raise, train, nurture, and love our kids. I'm thankful for the facility that we have as a church to make retreats likes this possible, as well as the staff and volunteers who work so that the details of the conference don't get in the way of the purpose of the conference. I'm especially thankful for our children's ministry staff, Terry Earl, the coordinator, who urged us to have such a conference, and Kathryn Searle, who joined us recently and has been so faithful to roll up her sleeves and get involved. Finally, thanks for Deepak, his time, and the unique gifts he brings to this conference. 

4. Supplication: there are so many things to pray for:

• Attention. That after a long day, we would be ready to listen, eager to learn, and energetic enough to think.
• Our children. That our children would thrive during these hours that they are away from us. That they would enjoy time with other kids and that there would be no emergencies!
• Amazement. That we would be amazed by what God has done for us in Christ. This is the heart of godly parenting.
• Relationships. That as we meet together we would grow to know one another better, that many great, deep, honest conversations would take place.
• Action. That what we learn would positively and practically affect how we parent. That no one would drive away from the conference without a firm commitment to act out what we have learned.

So, whether you are here Friday and Saturday or not, join me in praying!

Sow Diligent

It is difficult not to get excited about the upcoming parenting conference at MVBC. My friend, Deepak Reju, is going to be teaching. Deepak is a wise and godly man. He and I spent many an evening talking at the Lincoln Memorial in 1994 when I moved to Washington, DC. He was called to ministry shortly afterward, received an PhD in counseling at Southern Seminary and now counsels as an associate pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church in DC. He also oversees the children's ministry at the church. Deana and I have sought him out for counsel with our own children! 

If you are in the area, I hope that you will come. It is the Friday night and Saturday. The cost is minimal but the investment is eternal.

On Serving Kids

C. H. Spurgeon wrote, "I had rather receive the title of S.S.T. [Sunday School Teacher] than M.A., B.A., or any other honour that ever was conferred by men." Sunday afternoon we had a luncheon to thank the volunteers who so faithfully serve our kids week in and week out. Terry Earl, our Children's Ministry Coordinator, put together this amazing video. To all who serve, thank you!

 

 

Five Reasons Your Children Should Read the Bible to You

My kids and I are at the end of 1 Samuel. They are reading to me. It's an exciting time and I'm aware that it is beneficial. Here are some reasons why:

1. It gives them great practice reading. You are right there, able to correct and encourage where appropriate. You learn very quickly not only how well they can pronounce words, but where they are struggling to understand concepts. 

2. Words and ideas sink in better when verbalized. Reading aloud may be laborious, but few disciplines do a better job forcing us to think deeply about what we read.

3. It forces conversation about relationships. Everyone needs to learn how to relate to others. The Bible is full of people relating to one another. Sometimes this is done well, (e.g. David and Jonathan), but sometimes this is done poorly (e.g. Saul and David). Kids learn a great deal about appropriate and inappropriate behavior through the stories you find throughout the Bible.

4. It allows Scripture to drive doctrine. Our kids will have more confidence in what we and their Sunday school teachers teach them if they are reading the Bible for themselves and seeing ideas, themes, doctrines over and over again.

5. It humbles us. How do you explain to your children the fact that David took more than one wife? Why does God demand the extermination of entire cities? Why was Saul so envious of David? Why was David anointed as king long before he took over as king? These are all good questions, the types of questions kids ask and the types of questions that, frankly, most of us will have a hard time answering without some study. Better your kids see you struggling with Scripture but bowing down to it then your kids thinking you have everything figured out until they grow up one day only to conclude that you have very little figured out.

Maybe you have other reasons . . . 

More on Proverbs and the Family

Proverbs is rich with verses that address almost every aspect of family life. I mentioned just a few on Sunday morning. For those wanting to dig in deeper here are some more references:

1. Proverbs that instruct the husband or father: 5:18-20 (a little racy, think Song of Solomon); 6:30-35 (this passage warns an adulterer that the husband who is cheated on will be really, really upset); 13:2 (on the wisdom of saving for your children's future); 14:26 (how godliness is good for the kids); 15:27 (greed hurts the family); 18:22 (it's good to find a wife); 20:7 (godliness is good for the kids); 30:21-23 (men should really love their wives).

2. Proverbs that instruct the wife or mother: 12:4 (on the wife as a crown--not a trophy wife!!); 14:1 (the wisdom of a wife building a home); 19:13-14 (one of many warnings against wives begin quarrelsome--the opposite is prudence); 21:9, 19 (more warnings against being quarrelsome); 25:24 (another warning against being quarrelsome); 27:15-16 (yet another! The idea seems to be that wife who is quarrelsome is divisive. Instead of supporting her family she is tearing it down. The wife is so important to the family that if she is not on board the family will fall apart. Thus the repeated warnings against being quarrelsome. This doesn't mean a wife can't or shouldn't disagree with her husband. It does mean that disagreements should be worked out for the sake of the whole family); 31:10-18 (famous epilogue on an noble wife).

3. Proverbs about discipline: 13:24; 15:5; 19:18; 22:6,15; 23:13-14; 29:15-17. The overall idea is that disciplining your children will make for happy, healthy, godly kids. That's the pattern, not the promise!

4. Proverbs for children: 10:1 (be wise, it makes your parents happy); 11:29 (don't bring trouble on your family); 13:1 (listen to your dad's instruction and correction); 15:5 (accept correction); 15:20 (be wise, it makes your parents happy); 17:6 (kids should be proud of their parents--it's part of honoring them); 17:25 (it's really bad to bring grief to your dad or mom); 19:26-27 (listen to your parents); 20:11 (beware, you will be known by what you do, by your actions); 20:21 (don't expect a big inheritance, you'll need to work for whatever your parents give you for it to be worth something); 23:22-25 (listen to mom and dad); 27:11 (amazing how much joy a child can bring a parent so be wise); 28:7 (you are wise by obeying God's commands); 28:24 (don't take things from your parents without asking); 29:3 (make your parents happy by being wise); 30:17 (God cares how you look at your parents, don't be sassy or disrespectful).

Pick up and read Proverbs!

 

 

 

Evangelicals and the Family

We are all interested in the topic of the family. We've been hearing in the news recently of young men who have been harassed and beaten because of their homosexuality. It has even raised some to ask if Christian views of sexuality are related to the suicides of gays. In his book, God, Marriage, and Family, Andreas Kostenberger begins by pointing out that now is the time to explain what a family actually is:

For the first time in history, Western civilization is confronted with the need to define the meaning of terms "marriage" and "family." What until now has been considered a "normal" family, made up of a father, a mother, and a number of children, has in recent years increasingly begun to be viewed as one among several options, which can no longer claim to be the only or even superior form of ordering human relationships. The Judeo-Christian view of marriage and the family with its roots in the Hebrew Scriptures has to a significant extent been replaced with a set of values that prizes human rights, self-fulfillment, and pragmatic utility on an individual and societal level. It can rightly be said that marriage and the family are institutions under siege in our world today, and that with marriage and the family, our very civilization is in crisis.

If Kostenberger is correct, then it is incumbent upon Christians to think biblically and lovingly about family matters. Next Sunday morning: "Words on the Family" from the book of Proverbs.