For this month's Perspective, I decided to share my family's story about our experience with foster care. In this post, I want to summarize our story and share our motivations--why we decided to become foster parents. In an upcoming post I'll share some lessons we learned and lay out our future plans--as best we know them!
*****
On Good Friday my family and I said goodbye to a foster child who had been in our home for sixteen months. She came to us the first of December, 2011, when she was not quite a year and a half old. Teresa (not her real name) had already been in foster care more than once. Her parents were young, unmarried, and at the time neither was able to give her the home she needed. From the day she arrived, we prayed that her mom or dad would be able to care for her well so that she could be reunited with one of them. In the meantime, we wanted this to be her last foster home.
Teresa has more energy than any toddler I’ve ever met. Imagine Tigger—all bounce and no off switch! From morning ‘til night she jumped through the kitchen and the den, church hallways and Sunday school classrooms and, as corny as it might sound, right into our hearts.
We never knew for certain how long Teresa would be in our home. We were told that both of her parents wanted to raise her, but she had been in foster care her whole life. Just a few months after Teresa came into our care, the case worker asked us if we’d be willing to adopt her. We said it would be a privilege, but we kept praying for her parents. Over a year later, a Fulton County judge awarded custody to her dad.
That Good Friday morning, we said goodbye to Teresa with grateful yet heavy hearts. On one hand, we were very thankful for all the progress that her father had made. He took important steps to be able to care for his daughter. He had a home, a job, and a desire to raise her. He admitted to the court that he’d made mistakes in the past, but committed himself to providing Teresa the family she needed. On the other hand, we were very sad because we had become her family. For sixteen months we had shared our lives with this precious little girl. Life with her seemed very natural, even though we always knew she could leave. There was no shortage of tears that Maundy Thursday as we packed up her belongings, laid her down for her last night of sleep in our house, and prayed the Lord’s protection over her.
As painful as it was (and is) to have said goodbye, this is what it means to be a foster family. We agreed to give her the affection and the love and the care she needed while she depended upon us. We committed to advocating for whatever was in her best interest. We agreed to raise her, for as long as we had her, in a home where we recognize Christ as king. We read her the Bible, prayed with her and for her, and folded her into our church. In every way we sought to bless her. In the end, she’s the one who blessed us.
Teresa has been gone for over a month now, and it seems right to share how and why my family got involved in foster care and what God taught us in the process. I pray our story is an encouragement to you in your effort to live life for the glory of God.
Our Story
Our journey into foster care began over seven years ago with the birth of our third child. My wife (Deana) had difficult pregnancies, and we thought it could be unwise for her to deliver again. And yet we weren’t convinced we were done having kids. This is when we began to talk about adoption. Of course I was still in seminary, and we had three kids under five years old. We talked about adoption in theory, but we knew it would have to wait. Life was just too full.
Over the course of the next few years, things began to settle down as God planted us in Atlanta. It took time to acclimate to a new city, a new church, and my new responsibilities as a senior pastor. But eventually we did, and a couple of years ago we restarted the adoption conversation with renewed vigor. We decided that now was the time. But we were not sure how to pursue adoption. Should we go the international route? Should we try to find a domestic adoption? Should we enter the foster care system?
By this time, the conversation had shifted from simply trying to add a child to our home to trying to serve our community. That’s what led us into foster care. As we began to research the number of foster kids in Fulton County alone, we became overwhelmed by the need for parents right here in our own city. With foster care there is, of course, no certainty that a child will remain in your home. But the need for parents to welcome these kids, even if that means saying goodbye, is great. Friends told us about a local non-profit that can help families navigate the foster care system, Giving Children a Chance (GCAC). We went through a long process to be approved as foster parents and then in November of 2011, GCAC asked us if we’d be willing to give Teresa a home. We said yes.
Our Motivation
Kathryn Joyce of Mother Jones magazine recently criticized Christians for being overly interested in adoption. In “Orphan Fever: the Evangelical Movement’s Adoption Obsession,” Joyce paints a picture of fundamentalist Christian homes pursuing shady overseas adoptions in order to fulfill the Great Commission of making disciples of all nations. Adoption in the evangelical world, she argues, is less about genuine compassion and more about misguided evangelistic zeal. Joyce uses a few bad examples to shamelessly attack a healthy adoption movement that is good for children and for society as a whole. In light of her criticism, I want to explain why we decided to get involved in foster care.
First, it was a matter of stewardship. I understand from the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30 that we are called to be good stewards of everything God has given us—including our material resources. As Deana and I assessed our situation, we realized that God gave us good health, a large home, and plenty of food. We have everything we need, and then some. And so we asked ourselves, why not open up our home to a child in need? Wise stewardship led us to the conclusion that it was time for us to move ahead into foster care.
Second, it was a matter of being a good neighbor. We find in Scripture several admonitions to be generous. Consider Galatians 6:10, “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” God does not want us to be concerned merely about ourselves, but about others. First and foremost, we need to care for those in the “household of faith,” the church. But secondarily, we should take an interest in everyone. As we reflected upon that passage, we concluded that God had given us the opportunity (the means and desire) to foster. This was a way that we could “do good” in line with Paul’s admonition. Of course, the fact that foster kids are in desperate need struck us as well. In Luke 10:25-37 we read of a Samaritan who came upon a man who had been robbed and left for dead. He was in need, and the Samaritan took care of him. The Samaritan had the opportunity to help, and he responded. Deana and I saw the opportunity to help a child—a neighbor—and we took it.
Third, it was a practical implication of the gospel in our lives. According to Jesus, each of us is to repent and believe the gospel (Mark 1:15). We are to die to ourselves and live for Christ (1 Peter 2:24). This means bowing the knee to Christ, submitting to his authority, and following his lead. The believer is one who has been saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone. Because of what Jesus has done we are now “more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). We have been justified, declared righteous by God because of the work of Jesus Christ on our behalf. The good news is that the work has been fully done by Christ. We are declared righteous on the basis of Christ’s righteousness, not our own. But of course this does not mean that there is no work for us to do. Each and every day we are to live out the salvation we have received. Each and every day we are to die to the sin that is still waging war in our hearts. Each and every day we are to pick up our cross and follow Christ. I take this to mean that believers should be marked by selflessness. We should be willing to do hard things because Jesus has done the hardest thing. In short, Deana and I want our lives to be flavored by the gospel. Opening up our home to a foster child was simply one, small way to do this.
Perhaps I should say a word about James 1:27, and the role it has played in leading us into foster care. James wrote to the church in Jerusalem, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” I read this verse through the lens of Galatians 6:10. Christians have a clear and specific command to look after the orphans and widows in their own congregations. For example, in Acts 6:1-7 the apostles made sure that the widows in the church were cared for. In 1 Timothy 5:9-16, Paul gives specific instructions for caring for the widows who are part of the body of Christ. Therefore, I think that when James is telling the church in Jerusalem to “visit orphans and widows,” the primary focus is on those orphans and widows who are already part of that local church. After all, what good is it to call yourself a Christian if the world can see you won’t even take care of the needy in your own family of faith? Just as a father must find a way to feed his children (1 Timothy 5:8), the church must find a way to care for its helpless members. Nonetheless, as the opportunity presents itself, believers should widen the net, and “do good to everyone” including orphans and widows outside the church. This is a simple but profound implication of the gospel.
In short, we were motivated by the call to wise stewardship, the command to be a good neighbor, and by the gospel itself to open up our home to Teresa. We did it with the daily prayer that Teresa would experience the love of Christian parents, understand as much of the gospel that her young mind would allow, and one-day experience the saving grace of God that only he can give.
Very encouraging brother!
Posted by: Riley Byers | Tuesday, May 07, 2013 at 04:28 PM